Monika Fleming

I'm #Nostr exclusively:

GM I'm always happy to answer any questions about

which is my latest project.

You can review, download and purchase on @archetypesworkbooks #Nostr account.

It's #Nostr exclusive 😀

#Archetypes #Workbooks

And this Workbook Is For Free!

You can download on

Marketplace or Iris.

This is really great part about #Nostr by the way - you can download or buy it completely anonymously, no track left behind 😀

I can also send you invoice and file on your DM. DMs on Nostr are mostly gift wrapped now so it's also very secure and can be anonymous too. As you prefer.

That's why people #Nostr

If Amethyst let's say, or any other Nostr client would be updated, you can switch and jump to another. You're not confied to one particular content provider.

#Amethyst #nostroclient #instagram

So I have to do what I preach too so I'll start to treat #Nostr as my private archives :)

#essays #writing #writestr

I wasn't on this app one day and what? :)

"MicroStrategy is CIA now" :) Ok... meme....

:))

By the way... It's interesting how technically "this app" doesn't apply to #Nostr but it was the term we used to use so far so it's kinda embedded in language... :)

As always: posting my little essay on #Nostr in case all centralized platforms were to blow up one day...

"Detachment is hell of the work"

Preface

I’m writing this purely because someone may need it. I don’t want to give advice (there is none actually), nor do I need to treat social media as my personal journal to offload anything. I have my own journals, and they are sufficient. I'm fine.

We live in a time where it’s easy to see other women naked, but in terms of sharing your mind, it’s not so common (or needed, actually). But there are many men who might(or wish) to be closer to their emotions- it would help them and prevent them from repeating the cycle.

Detachment is hell of the work:

Seeing your parent as a separate human being is the most difficult task anyone can do. When a person starts to see their parents in a more neutral, more detached way, it's not only a huge shift in perception but also a challenge in itself- sometimes the beginning of a new life.

Loyalty:

Relationship withparents are usually not easy, but when it comes to not-so-healthy families things can get really complicated. There are many people who would not only support but defend their abusive parent. But I understand it, I was the same. 

It can be all wrapped up as loyalty. 

We want to be good people, after all, and in fact, most people are. We're the good kids: your parents raised you, and you have a decent amount of gratitude, so you were a good kid, and I really mean it. Seeing your parent in a more objective way can almost feel like a betrayal, as if we owe our parents something (God knows what, but something) for the rest of their lives. It's not true. We can go our own way.

You can be around them and start to see them as a separate adult (rather than an extension of yourself), with their own dreams, hopes, flaws, and so on. You can know them very well and still see them in a more objective way. Sometimes they become a stranger in the process, and getting to know them starts all over again. But that's great- that's a good sign. This is actually very great and courageous.

Suddenly, a person gains more perspective and distance and is capable of articulating: "This was a woman/man who raised me." A sentence that can feel awkward to some and revolutionary to others. And I can imagine that, for some, it can sound almost offensive: "No, it wasn't just a woman; she was my mom."

OK, OK, I get it, really. I understand it to the core.

I know few people like that. I remember myself.

Beyond words:

We have strong bonds that can't simply be described or even explained. It's really a sort of energetic cord. We are "made" of our mothers; they carried us and gave us life. It's not that easy to break the cord and stand nearby-close, but separate, detached. It's really a process. The emotional roller coaster is out of this world.

It feels as if you were cutting off a part of yourself.

It can feel as if you were going to die, but nothing happens.

In fact, a part of you is dying. It can mean feeling tremendously alone, even when you're surrounded by people but still feel abandoned. You're your mother, too in some sense so no wonder. That's the process, and it's not easy.

And even when the relationship with your mom wasn't the best, it's still difficult. (As if: "I'd rather resent some of her behavior, but I still find it difficult to cut the cord.") While, from a logical perspective, it should be easier to let go of something you resent, shouldn't it? But relationships with our mothers are very different, very special.

What is fascinating is that, in the moment of even trying to cut the cord, your mom can suddenly call you, show up, or suddenly become closer. That happened to me a few times, and it was very interesting to observe.

Moms feel it. A mother's intuition is very strong. It's that strong.

But because it's strong it doesn't mean it's good. It can be rather not-healthy relationship.  Most people from let's say not-so-healthy families can understand the "duality", the contradictory feelings towards their parents. But if anything, one thing is true, no matter what: She loves you and have done everything she could to raise you.

Confession time:

During my own therapy, one of the most repeated "topics" was my mom. "I can't leave her," I repeated many times, even though I hadn't been in the house for years. I moved out after high school, straight to university. But in my head? It took years to detach.

My therapist had been seeing this attachment and often asked me if I was sure that my mom was so "innocent" (as if free from guilt). To be honest, I couldn't answer; I couldn't see otherwise. You see, as humans, we really have a difficult time seeing the truth. It can hurt like hell.

And later on, I caught myself blaming my therapist for even suggesting it. In a way: she has no idea what happened... what is she trying to do, etc. :) But then I thought: no, she is a good therapist; she has more than 20 years of experience, and she has met more people like me and even worse (I'm sorry:)) I mean real addicts; I've never been addicted, so for sure she saw something I couldn't...

She saw it. Straight up. She just wanted me to see my mom in a more objective way - neither bad nor good, just more objective. From a healthy distance.

Because distance can give a better understanding. And better understanding can make us more compassionate.

Grief:

The gap, the entire hole caused by removing the cord can be easier to fill in, easier than ever before.

Today it all can be easier because we're living in more healthy society, where travelling is easier, where there's access to all social media with many great role models, where more opportunities arises everyday...

So why grief and why hole?

Despite the fact that your mom may live nearby, she is no longer your mom in some sense. What detachment can do is change how you define her. She can become the woman who raised you (caring, but not perfect), or maybe more of a friend... but as a "mom," she may be gone forever. You have, in some sense, "lost" your mom. The image of her as a perfect, good mom-the vision of her always being there for you- all the idealized aspects, all the things you carried from childhood - can be gone.

But we have the internet and many opportunities in real life. Many beautiful women show up, create events, and share their world, and that can fill the gap in some sense. They’re like cool aunts or even second mothers—just by watching and listening to them, they can transform our world, making it a little more free from attachment.

(That’s the only case where you “need” other people to fill your gap, which is the most common. Some people will find activities, work, hobbies, or simply a job, but we are all human and we need other people. Good role models are needed. All the good people around us who make life a bit easier are needed.)

So yeah...detachment is hell of the work but today the void is easier to patch.

I don't have a great summary for this little essay- confession I just want to say I love my mom. She showed me great books, great music, great movies. She is amazing- her style, her potential, and her creativity are great. But some things were also not so perfect, and what had to be done had to be done. I know people, and I know some of you, for 100% will compare this to your own mom as if someone is judging - no one is judging. :) Please, don't take it personally.

Your relationship with your mom is unique to you. And it's always a gift. Having a mom in this lifetime is a gift.

While X is just a centrally controlled one man's (Elon's obviously) group chat, #Nostr is few people (developers) decentralized group chat. 😁 Developers > Elon.

#bitcoin #developers #nostr #primal #amethyst

Pay to stop the bots....

What about changing #Nostr client and relays instead...

I'm going definetely adjust it.

For future #Nostr users:

Emojis are just a subtle difference...

The major difference: on #Nostr once you posted, you can be sure that your message will be preserved across the network, on various clients and saved on many relays...

#Nostr offers censorship-resistance message technology.

For future #Nostr users:

• on #Nostr you can send Zaps (in the pic below 1651 Sats was send) but also interact with emojis. It works similar to traditional likes and hearts but on #Nostr you can send as many reaction as you want. Just a subtle difference. :)